For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you
just need to take it out on someone--don't take it out on someone you
know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had
forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialed it. A man answered
saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Fred, could I please speak
with Robin Carter?"

He replied "Wrong number, idiot," and the phone was slammed
down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down
Robin's correct number and called her. (I had transposed the last two
digits of her phone number.) After hanging up with her, I decided to call
the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I
yelled, "You're an idiot!" and I hung up.

I wrote his number down, with the word 'idiot' next to it, and
put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills
or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an idiot!"
It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic
'idiot' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said,
"Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to
see if you're familiar with the caller ID program?"

He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called
him back and said, "That's because you're an idiot!"

So, one day I was at the grocery store, getting ready to pull
into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled
into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that
I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a
"For Sale" sign in his car window, so! I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first idiot (I
had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW
idiot, too. I dialed and someone said, "Hello?"

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes it

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and
the car's parked right out front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Don, you're an idiot!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two idiots to call. But
after several weeks of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
So, I came up with! an idea:
I called idiot #1. "Hello?"
"You're an idiot!" (but I didn't hang up).
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said."
"Stop calling me!" he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you? " he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"I live at 1802 West 34th Street, idiot, in a yellow house
with a black BMW parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better
start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, idiot."
Then I called idiot # 2: "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, idiot," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your butt," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, idiot, here's your chance. I'm coming over
right now!"

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my
*** lover.

Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on
West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St. There, I
saw two idiots beating the******out of each other in front of six
squad cars, a police helicopter, and a TV news crew.

Now, I feel better.