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Thread: Humor Thread

  1. #301
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Shattuck, OK
    Posts
    17

    Default

    the funniest blonde joke
    I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

    * she called me to get my phone number.

    * she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

    * she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

    *she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

    *she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

    *she tried to drown a fish.

    *she thought a quarterback was a refund.

    *she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

    *she tripped over a cordless phone.

    *she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

    *she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

    *she studied for a blood test.

    *she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

    *when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

    *when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

    *when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
    Miller Thunderbolt XL AC/DC
    Lincoln AC-225S
    Craftsman Hand Tools
    DeWalt Angle Grinder
    Performance Tools Bench Grinder
    1994 Dodge Ram 2500 Diesel 4x4
    1980 Ford F150 Custom
    1983 Ford F250 4x4

  2. #302
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    1

    Default Re:Humor

    At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a
    hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
    ================
    Motorhome Insurance Companies

  3. #303
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Houston, Tx.
    Posts
    378

    Default

    Sunday morning, middle of church service, The devil himself shows up. Demons running around and fire spewing all about him made quite a scare. All of the worshipers ran from the building screaming. Lucifer was quite proud of himself, but then noticed an old man sitting non plused in the front row. The devil raises his booming voice and asks the man, " Don't you know who I am? ". The man replies calmly, yep. The devil, getting irritated, screams " Aren't you afraid?". The man still calm, replies-nope. The devil was infuriated by this time. He shoots fire all about and uses his loudest voice possible. He asks the man WHY NOT?!!! The man, not phased a bit, replies- I was married to your sister for 50 years.
    Sometimes there's no second chances.

  4. #304
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Central IL
    Posts
    179

    Default

    Two guys are walking into a convenience store. One notices a dog on the sidewalk, bent over licking his privates and says to the other, "Man, I sure wish I could do that!" to which the other says "You probably could, but you better pet him first."
    Flash me! I'm a welder.

    American by birth, Union by choice! Boilermakers Local 60

    America is a Union

  5. #305
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    180

    Default New preacher

    Small town church. Brand new preacher. First church assignment, first service. Eight o'clock comes and goes and only one person is in the pews. Old farmer. Preacher waits awhile, looks again. same lonely old farmer. Preacher walks down to him and says, "I really didn't know what to expect but it looks like you are the only one showing up. Should I go ahead and preach?" Farmer says, "Son, I don't know about preachin', I only know about farmin' and ranchin', but if I went out to feed the cows and only one showed up, I'd go ahead and feed her." Preacher says, "You are right. I am ashamed I even asked." So he gives a sermon to write home about. Lots of homilies and everything. Talks for two hours. Ends sermon, goes to door and shakes farmer's hand. Asks, "What did ya think?" Farmer says, "Son, I don't know about preachin', I only know about farmin' and ranchin', but if I went out to feed the cows and only one showed up, I wouldn't give her the whole doggone load..."
    Professional firefighter (retired). Amateur everything else I try to do...
    Oh yeah: GO BIG RED!

  6. #306
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Strang, OK
    Posts
    10

    Default

    4 birds were eating crap ouy of the barn yard, when they got full, they went to rest on the rake handel on the fence.... one bird takes off to the north. Makes it about 10 feet and falls out of the sky dead.......The 2ed one take off take off to the south. Makes it about 10 feet and falls out of the sky dead.......The 3rd bird takes off to the west. Makes it about 10 feet and falls out of the sky dead.......The last bird takes off to the east. Makes it about 10 feet and falls out of the sky dead.......





    Moral of the story is.............................DON'T FLY OFF THE HANDEL WHEN YOU AR FULL OF CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I HAVE A WELDER< CUTTING TORCH< AND A B.F.H. IT WILL FIT!!!
    MILLER BLUE STAR 2E AC/DC
    I'll will build my shop back!! slowly

  7. #307

    Default

    Man walks into a blacksmiths shop.
    Without asking he just picks up a horseshoe which was still hot.
    He immediately throws it across the room.

    The Blacksmith says sarcastically, " hot huh?"

    The man answers , No , just not that much to know about horseshoes.

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